Friday, October 22, 2010

Five Conversations I Hope I Never Have With You - Part 5

One final chat I have with others on a frequent basis is, “You have been asking the wrong questions.”

Typically we ask ourselves questions like these: "Will this make me happy?", "Can I afford this?", "How close to the moral/ethical line can I get without crossing it?", etc.

But those really aren't the kinds of questions that will lead us to the destinations we truly want to get to in life.

So the principle in this conversation is: learn the art of asking questions.

Here are the questions I find myself wrestling with every day that benefit me the most ...


1. Am I Being Completely Honest With Myself?
  • Why am I doing this, really? ... If someone in my circumstances came to me for advice, what course of action would I recommend?

2. What Story Do I Want To Tell?

  • God’s will for your life will always line up with His law, His principles, and His wisdom.

3. Is There A Tension That Needs My Attention?

  • When you’re making a decision and one of the options raises a little bit of tension, PAUSE and allow it to get as big as possible before you make the decision.

4. What Would Be Most Honoring To God?

5. In light of my past experiences, my current circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for ME to do?

  • This applies to my use of time, my morality & how I handle my finances.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Five Conversations I Hope I Never Have With You - Part 4

Okay, it's day four of this journey through the challenging conversations we adults have from time to time. This one tends to be the most "fixable" of them all and it goes like this ... “This is the price you pay for playing around for so long.”

Here is the principle:
pay now, play later.

We can all have the tendency to procrastinate. But some of us are unhealthy, one way or the other. Here are four kinds of people ...

The "Pay Now, Pay Later" types ... all you do is work. You don't know how to have fun. You view leisure as weakness. This is unhealthy!

The "Pay Now, Play Later" types ... you need to finish your work before you can have fun.

The "Play Now, Play Later" types ... these are the people who take 9 nine years to finish college. They never seem to get around to taking responsibility in life. They're just out to have a good time. This is unhealthy!

The "Play Now, Pay Later" types ... you need to have fun before you can buckle down and get to work.

We all need to find a healthy balance between work and play. As adults, we need to model a healthy work ethic for our kids and yet give ourselves permission to have some fun. Where do you find yourself in these four types of people? In what ways do you need to grow to become more balanced?


Here are some challenging words from Jesus ... “No procrastination. No backward looks. You can’t put God’s kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day.” Luke 9:62 (MSG)

What are you putting off today? Don't delay!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Five Conversations I Hope I Never Have With You - Part 3

Another conversation I find happening in my office centers around the topic of marriage and it goes like this ... "Your marriage is headed for a train wreck.”

This happens all the time and for a myriad of reasons. My prayer is that the teenagers I spoke with last night will learn early not to settle for less than what God has for them as it relates to the issue of marriage. God has a fantastic plan in the covenant in marriage and I hope they won't short-circuit what He wants to do in them. As adults, I hope we won't either!

Here's the principle: be the person you want to marry. Or, if you're already married, be the person to whom you want to be married.

How would you summarize a marriage that will be successful? A marriage that will go the distance? I'd summarize it in this one word: Selflessness. I think our goal in marriage should be to ask this question every day ... "How can I accurately estimate and adequately supply my spouse's needs today?" (note that it's not his/her wants, it's needs). If I do that, life will be good! On the days I don't ... watch out, it's going to be difficult.

Here is how a selfless marriage is described in the book of Ephesians 5:21-28 from The Message paraphrase …

“Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives.”

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Five Conversations I Hope I Never Have With You - Part 2

The second conversation I seem to have with lots of adults is one that I find particularly hard ... “What do you expect? What goes around comes around.”

Here is the principle: you reap what you sow.


This has implications in all arenas of life: relationally, morally, physically, financially, educationally, etc. And I've been surprised at how few adults ever learned this principle growing up. They don't have specific memories of getting this from their parents, teachers, or even in Sunday school. I hope that can change as we relearn this ancient truth ...

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” 2 Corinthians 9:6 (NIV)

Four truths about sowing and reaping …

We reap WHAT we sow. If you plant beans in your garden, you're not going to get corn.

We reap WHERE we sow. If you plant in the northwest corner of your back yard, the crops won't come up in the southeast portion of your yard.

We reap AFTER we sow. Sometimes we have to wait months and even years before we see a harvest come in, but rest assured, there will be a harvest!

We reap MORE than we sow. When you plant seeds, you sow just a few. But the results are considerably more than what you have put into the ground.

I hope you're making the connection here.
Another way of saying this is that we reap later and greater.

For some this is discouraging. But for those who allow this principle time to work in your life it’s a tremendous blessing. This principle isn’t fair, just, balanced, even or 1-to-1. It can work for you or against you. I hope you'll leverage it to your benefit. If you sow seeds of righteousness, you'll reap a harvest of righteousness!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Five Conversations I Hope I Never Have With You - Part 1

Last night I spoke at our Sr. High Nexus Student Ministry service. It had been over 13 years since I'd spoken to a group of students in that kind of an environment and I had a blast! It was so cool to see them worship and I was humbled to share with them some of the things I've learned over the past 20 years since I graduated from high school.

Since I normally minister to adults, Donnie (our student ministries pastor) asked me to share about some of the reoccurring conversations I have with adults that I hope I never have to have with the students who were there last night. I found the idea intriguing and thought I'd spend this week blogging about it for the sake of all us "grown-ups" ... I hope these thoughts will inspire some growth in us all.

Here is the first conversation I have with adults on a regular basis when they come in to talk about where they've ended up in life - in their marriage, career, with regard to their physical health or their spiritual condition ...

“You’ve been headed down the wrong path for years.”

The principle we need to understand is this: Your direction, not your intention, will determine your destination.

The scriptures are full of passages that speak to the direction of our lives. I like this one in particular ... “Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path.” Proverbs 23:19 (NIV)

You win or lose by the path you choose. It is not where you are that is the issue; it is where you are headed. And there is often a disconnect between where we want to end up and the path we choose. The wisdom literature of Proverbs depicts this clearly ...

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.” Proverbs 27:12 (NIV)

In other words, wise people are paying attention to where they're headed. When they see trouble coming they take action. Fools see the same thing, but they continue to head into disaster with the mindset that life is disconnected. What a fatal flaw that envelopes us far too often!

I have a favorite prayer I pray on a continual basis these days. It goes like this ... “Lord, help me to see trouble coming long before it gets here, and give me the wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it.”

Choosing the right path begins with submission, not information. Submission to the One who knows where each path leads, as well as where it doesn’t lead. Submission to the One who knows what’s best for you better than you know what’s best for you.

One other thing that influences the destinations we arrive at is this: What (or WHO) gets our attention determines our direction and, ultimately, our destination. We all give our attention to something or someone or both. This has a direct correlation to where we end up in life.


So, what has your attention these days? Who is getting your attention? The answers to those questions will tell you a lot about where you'll end up in the coming weeks, months and years.